Loving Myself For Who I Am

It's funny to remember back to how I thought when I was younger and realize just how much I changed. I used to be this shy little girl that didn't know what life had in store for me and the thought scared me. Now I know some of what my future holds and I feel confident and beautiful. This is my story, told as I remember it.

To start off, I want to relate just how shy and insecure I was with myself when I was younger. I don't remember this myself, but my mom told me how when I was in first grade, my teacher told her at the parent teacher conferences after the first semester that I had not said one single word to her since school started, due to how shy I was. I met my best friend in that class, and apparently she did most of the talking for me. I could not believe this, but it makes sense with how quiet and shy I was.

I remember middle school, some of the worst years I would say. I knew I was smart, and I thought I was kinda pretty. But then how could I appreciate myself with all these outgoing and beautiful girls around me? I remember being envious of other girls because they were athletic, smart, pretty, outgoing, and popular. I found myself daily wishing that I could switch places with them, because I thought they were better than me. And who was I to everyone else? Just the smart, shy girl who just kept to herself most of the time. I had my group of friends, and that was about it. I'm okay with that though, I just wish I would've appreciated myself more.

Then came high school. Freshman year started out just alright, nothing special. I felt like I was at the bottom of the food chain and wasn't quite sure where I fit in. I didn't know how to relate to other people, because I didn't really like sports, which seemed to be the most common interest, and I just was not into things that others were into. High school gradually got better though with each year. I met some of my best friends there, which I'm proud to say are still some of my best friends today. Senior year was the best. I was beginning to come out of my shell and just appreciate who I was, because even though I was probably known for being "innocent" I took that title with pride. I still had so many insecurities though. I remember how I used to walk with my head down in the hallways, avoiding eye contact with others during my freshmen, sophomore, and junior years. I was so afraid of doing something that would send me outside of my comfort zone and cause me to make a fool of myself. My resolution for senior year was to enjoy it to the best of my ability, and I'm proud to say that I did. I grew closer to people I care a lot about and was starting to learn what my future held. I had so many dreams, and those dreams were starting to become my reality. Life was good.

After graduating high school, I never felt better. I was truly beginning to love myself more and more and realize just how special I am. I was on top of the world and life couldn't get much better. College time came and it has been the most wonderful experience in my life. Things were sort of rocky at first, just trying to adapt to all these changes, but I welcomed them as well as I could. I've learned to branch out and go outside of my comfort zone. I've learned just how truly special and valued I am. I love being able to walk around and see someone I know who waves and smiles or comes up to talk to me. I try to be nice to everyone I meet, unless they give me a reason not to. I have made so many friends who I all love dearly and pray that we stay friends for life. I've been completely myself with everyone and they have accepted me for who I am. This fact as allowed me to realize how special I am, appreciate myself, and just truly love me for me.

God has opened my eyes in just the past year more than my whole life all together. He has allowed me to love myself for who I am because I know that he made me how I am for a reason. I was no accident. He crafted me together so perfectly. There's not one thing he would change about me. I'm also proud to say that even though there are things I know I need to work on, there's not one person I wish I could switch places with. I'm happy being silly, creative, artistic me. I love that feeling and I pray it never ever ever goes away. 

Pure Happiness

Sometimes I can't help but take a step back and look at how truly blessed I am. God has me at the top of the list, or at least I feel that way. I have everything I need and so much more. I have a loving family who always has my back and is there for the good times and the bad. I have amazing friends who I can be completely myself around and they still love me for who I am as a person, and they always know how to have a good time. I have this new motivation in me to do the best I can at everything I do, whether it involved my school work or working out. I've been presented with opportunities that are helping me shape my future and have no worries as to what tomorrow holds. God is absolutely amazing, and I know he is the reason for everything good in my life.

I will admit though, sometimes things are just hard. I feel like my school work is never completely done and just keeps piling up. There are things I have hoped and prayed for in my life for months that I want more than anything, but nothing has changed, no matter how hard I try. I am also the type of person that stresses over every little thing, no matter how seemingly unimportant. I let minuscule details bring me down all the time.

But I'm learning more and more each day to let go of the things I cannot change and just trust God that he has only the best in store for me. Sometimes good things fall apart in order for better things to come together. Pain and hurt is inconceivable, but have we ever thought that maybe we have to experience hard times to make us stronger? God wouldn't allow something bad to happen in our life unless it was absolutely necessary to our own personal development. I don't always understand why God lets certain things happen, well heck, if I'm being completely honest, I don't understand at all. Why can't he just let things go my way? Things were going great, why did it have to end? But then I realize that God sees things that I would never have even thought of in my wildest dreams. I believe that God presents difficulties in our lives simply just to make us stronger. I see it as, how are you supposed to improve at all if you're never pushed to your limits? If we weren't pushed out of our comfort zones every now and then, we would never grow. It's hard to see it in this light when we're going through hard times, but just have faith, persevere, and everything will be revealed to you in due time.

Despite the difficulties life may throw at me, I never lose faith in my God. I will always trust him, even if everything and everyone I love is taken away from me. I trust that he has the best in store for me. I try to wake up each day with a positive attitude and welcome the day's activities. Very recently in my life, God has revealed to me some things that he has set in motion in my life. I feel like he has tested me in the past 6 months or so, pushed me to my limits in some ways, but all that struggle has brought me to where I am today, which is  completely happy with everything going on in my life and probably the happiest I've ever felt in my life. I feel so much stronger than I ever have before. He's showed me how strong I am and that I am someone of value and he has allowed me to appreciate myself through others eyes and truly love myself. I will go into more detail with that in my next post. I just have this great feeling that he's getting ready to renew and resurrect some aspects in my life that I thought were over. But now I know that he didn't end them for good, he just new that I needed time to grow as well as love myself and be fully confident. I'm proud to say that I have finally reached that place and I've never felt better.