So I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, mainly about dating I guess you could say. It can be good and bad at the same time. I'm not currently dating anyone right now but that doesn't mean it's not on my mind. I've only had one boyfriend my whole life and that was just in this past year and I'm perfectly okay with that. I've known girls that have constantly had different boyfriends since the early years of middle school and I guess that's just not how I am. I liked guys before, but I was either too shy to talk to them or knew they maybe weren't the best person for me and somehow it just never went anywhere. But I think that was God's way of protecting my heart. I was still so insecure with myself at that age, and having a boyfriend would've only made things worse, especially if he tried to pressure me into things. I think thats what happens with most girls in middle school and high school. They don't truly know who they are, so they look for some kind of definition of theirselves from a guy and end up giving away a part of theirselves that they can never get back.
Just within the last year or so, God has been revealing so much to me and allowing me to truly love myself as I am. I never understood why things didn't work out with guys I wanted to maybe have as a boyfriend, but I know God was just looking after me. He wanted me to wait for the perfect guy, the one who loved God as much as I do. The one who truly cared about me and was first and foremost my best friend, and we would watch that friendship grow into something so much more. The one who loves me for the woman of God that I am, not for the lovey dovey feelings I give him or what I have to offer. The one who loves me for me. I thought I had found this one time, but I guess God had something else in mind. I don't know what or even why, but it was out of my control. Sometimes it sucks, but I want God's plan for me, not what I merely thought was his plan, because I know his actual plan is so much bigger than what I thought.
It's funny how love can make you feel as if you're on top of the world one day and then in the deepest pit the next. I have had my heart broken but God is slowly putting it back together. I don't understand why it's taking so long, but I know he has a purpose and I trust him. If anything, I am a much stronger and more confident person as a result. And if that is the whole reason for the pain I experienced, then it was well worth it. Coming to college has helped too. At first, I had guys coming at me left and right (I hope that doesn't make me sound conceited), and it still happens occassionally, but along with all the friends I've made, I know how truly special of a person I am. And I love that feeling, I hope it never goes away.
I've also experienced bumps in the road too, but they have made me wiser. Ladies, never give in to a guy for something you're not ready for, even if it's just a kiss. Because although they may stick around for awhile in the hopes that it will happen eventually, if you stand your ground, they will eventually give up and leave because they know they aren't "getting any". And you don't want to be with a guy that just wants the physical part of a relationship, because even though it may start out innocent like just kissing, it's surely to lead to more than you bargained for. Don't ever let a guy talk you into something you aren't quite comfortable with. If he really cares about you and wants a relationship based on friendship, then he will not pressure you into anything and take his time on asking you out. I've experienced this before but I won't settle just so I can have a boyfriend, that's not right. I want to love everything about the guy I date to where there's no doubt in my mind how I feel about him. My first requirement is that he is a man of God who loves him with all his heart and would even put God before me, because I would do the same towards him.
Most people may not be like me, but I want to be officially dating someone before I kiss them, and I want to be good friends before dating as well. Call me old-fashioned, a prude, whatever, that's just how I feel personally. I'm not embarrassed by this fact, but I am a 19-year-old college student who has never been kissed. Shocking right? I guess I'm just one of those hopeless romantics who has envisioned my first kiss about a million times and I'm not going to give in to just anyone just so I can say I've been kissed. When it finally happens, I want it to be right and with the right guy. I'm waiting for God's will for me, not inventing my own.
I know I've been rambling on, but this has just been on my mind lately and I thought maybe it could be helpful, if only to one other person. Guys and gals, just remember that God has someone in mind for you. You may want a boyfriend/girlfriend right this second, but don't settle for anything less than amazing because you deserve the absolute best. Just keep your head up, pray for God's will, focus on him, and he will send the right person your way when it's time. It may not happen as quick as you like, but God knows what he's doing, trust me.
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