The Reason for the Smile on my Face Today

So today God gave me a revelation. I have been dealing with some things for a long time and He just really put it in perspective for me and I really hope this helps anyone reading this.

This morning I woke up from a dream that I just knew had a deeper meaning to it. You see, I don't ever remember my dreams. I may for a little bit right after I wake up, but then it's gone from my memory by the time I get ready in the morning. I still vividly remember it now so I know it was special, and I haven't had a whole lot of dreams like that in my life. I'm not going to go into full detail about what my dream was simply because its personal. But the gist of my dream is that I finally got something back that I thought I lost a long time ago, but I got it back on my own doing, not God's. I wanted it so bad that I didn't care to be patient for God's plan and it ended up not being right at that moment. It wasn't time for it happen just yet, so it ended up failing... again.

I prayed on my way to school this morning, just telling God that I trust him completely. I have really dealt with trying to fix things on my own because I think I have the ability to. But I know I can't fix it, He is the only one who can. I told Him how much I love and trust him and that I will just sit back and let Him do His work and wait for my time to play my part in it. I have been confused and frustrated with him for so long because I thought He was telling me one thing and then something happened to counteract it. I'm learning to just surrender to His will and live my life just loving him. So I just asked him to reveal to me what this all means.

This is the amazing part of my morning. All of a sudden, I just sort of got this vision in my head. It was me and Jesus. I saw him building a chair out of wood while I just sat back watching him do it and allowing him to do his job, because I don't know the first thing about building this ornate chair. Suddenly, he beckoned me over to him. So I went and he said "Now it is your turn." At first, I was hesitant, I told him how I didn't know how. Then he told me how he didn't expect me to build a chair, he made it for me and now all I had to do was make it beautiful. I have always been good at artistic things, so I just knew that he wanted me to paint it. Again, I was hesitant. I told him how I didn't want to mess it up because he put so much work into it. This is when he said "You could never disappoint me. Just follow your heart and be yourself. You're ready. You know what to do."

That vision meant the absolute world to me. It applies to so much more than just my dream, prayer, and the things I have dealt with. It can be applied to so many different aspects in my life. I feel like it can be applied to anyone really. It may appear different to each person because God has unique plans for each person's life and we all have our talents and strong suits. No matter what though, you just have to be yourself, love God by living a life that is inspired by him, and ultimately trust in him.

After all of this, a song came on the radio that I have fell in love with recently. It is "Outta My Mind" by Anthem Lights. The chorus goes like this:
"Get me outta my mind and into Your heart
It’s not about me, it’s not about me
So I’m gonna start playin’ my part in Your design
Now is the time
Get me outta my mind
Outta my mind"
If you haven't listened to it yet, go to Youtube and look it up right now.You won't regret it. The lyrics are my favorite part of it, but the whole song is just great. I just felt like this song went completely with everything else in my morning. And I pray above all else that this post helps at least one person reading it :)

What I Want For You

What I Want For You: A boy who would move the hair away from your eyes. Hold your hand in line at the mall and make all the girls jealous. Someone who would sing to you at random moments. A boy who would get mad at someone if they called you ugly or was mean to you. Someone who would let you gossip to him and would just smile and agree with everything you said. He would throw stuffed animals at you when you acted dumb and then kiss you a million times. He would take you to the park and put his hands around your waist and give you a big bear hug. He would tell all his friends about you and smile when he did it. You'd argue about silly thing and then make up. I want a boy that would count stars with you. Someone who would tell you you're beautiful but not too often. Who would make you laugh like no one else could. But mostly, I want someone who would be your best friend and would never break your heart.

This quote was on a board in my friend's room and I automatically fell in love with it. It reminds me how I want this and so much more in a guy and that if I'm patient, God will send him to me. I won't settle for anything less than what he has in store for me. That can be hard to remember sometimes because I know that I would love to be in a relationship with someone, just like any other girl would. It can be hard when you see everyone else posting about how amazing their boyfriend is on Facebook and you can't help but wish you could post sappy statuses too. I know God has amazing plans for me though and I'm just trying to stay busy until they start happening.

Before I end this rant, I just want to say how much the last sentence speaks to me. In my opinion, a relationship should always start as a strong and sound friendship. Sure things may not be what you imagined at first, but just give it time to develop and it will be worth it. Someone who truly cares about you won't just jump ship at the first sign of trouble; they will stick out through the good times and the bad. Sometimes people make mistakes though and it will take them awhile to figure it out. I full-heartedly believe that everyone deserves a second chance unless they prove otherwise. God has given us a second chance, so why not follow suit?

Loving Myself For Who I Am

It's funny to remember back to how I thought when I was younger and realize just how much I changed. I used to be this shy little girl that didn't know what life had in store for me and the thought scared me. Now I know some of what my future holds and I feel confident and beautiful. This is my story, told as I remember it.

To start off, I want to relate just how shy and insecure I was with myself when I was younger. I don't remember this myself, but my mom told me how when I was in first grade, my teacher told her at the parent teacher conferences after the first semester that I had not said one single word to her since school started, due to how shy I was. I met my best friend in that class, and apparently she did most of the talking for me. I could not believe this, but it makes sense with how quiet and shy I was.

I remember middle school, some of the worst years I would say. I knew I was smart, and I thought I was kinda pretty. But then how could I appreciate myself with all these outgoing and beautiful girls around me? I remember being envious of other girls because they were athletic, smart, pretty, outgoing, and popular. I found myself daily wishing that I could switch places with them, because I thought they were better than me. And who was I to everyone else? Just the smart, shy girl who just kept to herself most of the time. I had my group of friends, and that was about it. I'm okay with that though, I just wish I would've appreciated myself more.

Then came high school. Freshman year started out just alright, nothing special. I felt like I was at the bottom of the food chain and wasn't quite sure where I fit in. I didn't know how to relate to other people, because I didn't really like sports, which seemed to be the most common interest, and I just was not into things that others were into. High school gradually got better though with each year. I met some of my best friends there, which I'm proud to say are still some of my best friends today. Senior year was the best. I was beginning to come out of my shell and just appreciate who I was, because even though I was probably known for being "innocent" I took that title with pride. I still had so many insecurities though. I remember how I used to walk with my head down in the hallways, avoiding eye contact with others during my freshmen, sophomore, and junior years. I was so afraid of doing something that would send me outside of my comfort zone and cause me to make a fool of myself. My resolution for senior year was to enjoy it to the best of my ability, and I'm proud to say that I did. I grew closer to people I care a lot about and was starting to learn what my future held. I had so many dreams, and those dreams were starting to become my reality. Life was good.

After graduating high school, I never felt better. I was truly beginning to love myself more and more and realize just how special I am. I was on top of the world and life couldn't get much better. College time came and it has been the most wonderful experience in my life. Things were sort of rocky at first, just trying to adapt to all these changes, but I welcomed them as well as I could. I've learned to branch out and go outside of my comfort zone. I've learned just how truly special and valued I am. I love being able to walk around and see someone I know who waves and smiles or comes up to talk to me. I try to be nice to everyone I meet, unless they give me a reason not to. I have made so many friends who I all love dearly and pray that we stay friends for life. I've been completely myself with everyone and they have accepted me for who I am. This fact as allowed me to realize how special I am, appreciate myself, and just truly love me for me.

God has opened my eyes in just the past year more than my whole life all together. He has allowed me to love myself for who I am because I know that he made me how I am for a reason. I was no accident. He crafted me together so perfectly. There's not one thing he would change about me. I'm also proud to say that even though there are things I know I need to work on, there's not one person I wish I could switch places with. I'm happy being silly, creative, artistic me. I love that feeling and I pray it never ever ever goes away. 

Pure Happiness

Sometimes I can't help but take a step back and look at how truly blessed I am. God has me at the top of the list, or at least I feel that way. I have everything I need and so much more. I have a loving family who always has my back and is there for the good times and the bad. I have amazing friends who I can be completely myself around and they still love me for who I am as a person, and they always know how to have a good time. I have this new motivation in me to do the best I can at everything I do, whether it involved my school work or working out. I've been presented with opportunities that are helping me shape my future and have no worries as to what tomorrow holds. God is absolutely amazing, and I know he is the reason for everything good in my life.

I will admit though, sometimes things are just hard. I feel like my school work is never completely done and just keeps piling up. There are things I have hoped and prayed for in my life for months that I want more than anything, but nothing has changed, no matter how hard I try. I am also the type of person that stresses over every little thing, no matter how seemingly unimportant. I let minuscule details bring me down all the time.

But I'm learning more and more each day to let go of the things I cannot change and just trust God that he has only the best in store for me. Sometimes good things fall apart in order for better things to come together. Pain and hurt is inconceivable, but have we ever thought that maybe we have to experience hard times to make us stronger? God wouldn't allow something bad to happen in our life unless it was absolutely necessary to our own personal development. I don't always understand why God lets certain things happen, well heck, if I'm being completely honest, I don't understand at all. Why can't he just let things go my way? Things were going great, why did it have to end? But then I realize that God sees things that I would never have even thought of in my wildest dreams. I believe that God presents difficulties in our lives simply just to make us stronger. I see it as, how are you supposed to improve at all if you're never pushed to your limits? If we weren't pushed out of our comfort zones every now and then, we would never grow. It's hard to see it in this light when we're going through hard times, but just have faith, persevere, and everything will be revealed to you in due time.

Despite the difficulties life may throw at me, I never lose faith in my God. I will always trust him, even if everything and everyone I love is taken away from me. I trust that he has the best in store for me. I try to wake up each day with a positive attitude and welcome the day's activities. Very recently in my life, God has revealed to me some things that he has set in motion in my life. I feel like he has tested me in the past 6 months or so, pushed me to my limits in some ways, but all that struggle has brought me to where I am today, which is  completely happy with everything going on in my life and probably the happiest I've ever felt in my life. I feel so much stronger than I ever have before. He's showed me how strong I am and that I am someone of value and he has allowed me to appreciate myself through others eyes and truly love myself. I will go into more detail with that in my next post. I just have this great feeling that he's getting ready to renew and resurrect some aspects in my life that I thought were over. But now I know that he didn't end them for good, he just new that I needed time to grow as well as love myself and be fully confident. I'm proud to say that I have finally reached that place and I've never felt better.

Happy New Year!

Here's a list of my New Year's resolutions. I plan on sticking by them.

1. Smile and laugh more often.
2. Step outside of my comort zone as much as possible.
3. Cherish the people who care about me the most.
4. Forget the ones who don't.
5. Eat healthier and work out.
6. Wait for God to send me the right guy.
7. Be truly and completely happy with myself.
8. Quit listening to what my mind tells me I can't do and instead listen to what my heart tells me I can do.